Not sure why but I’m becoming frustrated with the current short story I’m trying to write. I don’t know if it’s because of things that I have going on with my personal life, or if it’s because my brain is finally winding down from its hypomanic state, or just what it is. I don’t feel like my brain is bursting with a bazillion ideas like it was last two months.
This is actually good for the revision process I need to go through for my novel, Surge of the Soul Eater. Right now it’s still in its raw NaNoWriMo vomit draft form and I have made myself NOT LOOK AT IT all of December and just allowed my brain explode and vomit with its ideas and thoughts on the page with whatever that came to mind but as December came to a close, so did the high speed energy. Such is the way of the Bipolar brain.
Honestly, physically I feel sick. The last two months my brain barely recognized the need for sleep. Writing in particular came easy for me. The challenge was making the words make sense on the page. And I didn’t just write a novel during this November. I moved my entire family from a crappy apartment with creepy landlords during that month too. Then the energy spilled over into December. Its finally burned itself out. Now all I want to do is sleep. I don’t recognize myself as depressed. That’s not the problem. The problem is I’m paying the price of my brain being on fire.
Last month I had the lofty goal of hitting the daily goal of 3k words. I didn’t make that goal – especially towards the end of the month. This month I want to keep writing. The brain is like a muscle after all. It would be too easy to slide into nothing. However I want to work on revising my novel and get it polished for publication. So how much is too much? Where is the balance? I don’t know. I’m new to this.
I’ve been keeping track of my word counts on a spreadsheet for the last two months and averaged them out. The total average to date came out to a little over 1700. Therefore I figured that January’s goal should be 1k per day. That means the 1st of this month I “failed” with a big fat zero in the way of creative writing but that’s okay. The point is I have a plan of some kind.
I think I’ll be putting Nusquamton on hold for now. I don’t think I should be doing any kind of raw, therapeutic writing while trying to revise a novel. And perhaps this is part of why I’m having a hard time with the piece I’m on right now. I’ve hit something I don’t like about myself or in my life that I really don’t what to address right now. I suppose I could just take what I have and discuss it with my therapist. How fun. Not. I would much rather fix the piece of shit I have sitting in the project box and make it work than write this one right now. I don’t know, maybe I would rather just write something light and fun for a while instead of this.
We’ll see. In any case I hope that this blog doesn’t become completely dead while I’m busy with the revision process.