With determination, I’m striving willfully to discover the flames of my courage. I wish to be spared this constant worry. I struggle to press forward with action. With heavy heart, I carry this burden. I’m trying not to count all my losses.
Often, we enjoy experiencing vicariously others’ defiance until we learn the things we had relied upon is not always the entire truth. So we end up finding ourselves running away to find a new, and better, plan.
I’m trudging through the graveyard of my pains. Difficult to find justification in the need to stay and keep on fighting, since in the end I have been dishonored. What is driving me now beyond my fear? Nothing more than the love of a false man.
It’s in this night hour that I am lonesome as rain patters deep within my tired heart. It’s here I find myself seeking longest the truth now lost but once honored and loved. My trust is gone for nothing can color this broken and weak soul with happiness.
Trigger Warning: This was a reoccurring night terror of mine. It involved finding an infant dead. I don’t know why I had this night terror other than it was a deep rooted fear that it might happen. Now that my children are no longer babies I no longer have it but the images still haunt me.… Continue reading No Safe Harbor
I fear my heart has become yellow and hardened like amber. Was a time the world was made of gold and life’s experience precious as saffron. Not now, for all has soured like lemons. My entire world been bleached to blonde. I regret this blondness for my broken soul yellows as I fail to make the lemonade. This heart of amber… Continue reading Finding Saffron
The Chaos Pen 